Three weeks ago today, we said our final goodbye to our daughter Angelina. I think most everyone who reads this knows our story, but if not.. here we go.
On May 29th, we found out that Angelina had a chromosomal abnormality known as Trisomy 13. This prevented her organs from developing correctly. The specialist told us that this is NOT genetic, just really bad luck. They also told us that Angelina would only have about a 50% chance of making it full term and that surviving delivery would be difficult for her.
Well, our little girl was a fighter. Not only did she make it full term, she survived delivery and fought to stay with us for 42 precious, wonderful minutes. Angelina was born on September 2, 2008 at 2 p.m. She weighed 5 lbs 6 oz and was 19 inches long. And although not everyone might feel this way, we thought she was absolutely gorgeous. She had a ton of beautiful hair, and the most amazingly long eyelashes (just like her big brother). Although this experience has been so much harder and heart wrenching than I could have even imagined, I wouldn't have traded those wonderful 42 minutes for anything.
Connor held his sister, he loved her, her kissed her, and he got to give her the one and only bath she had. He was an AMAZING big brother. If we ever had a doubt about how he would be with a sibling, it was erased on that day. Although she looked different, he didn't even blink an eye and just loved her right away... without being told. Watching him with her.. well there aren't words to describe it. We were truly blessed to have had that time with her.
Most of my family also had the chance to hold her before she left us. None of us will ever be quite the same. She was only here for a very, very short time, but she changed everything forever. Angelina changed me forever.
In an effort to make something good come out of this experience, Mat and I have set up a scholarship fund at the Catholic Elementary school where Connor is currently enrolled in pre-school. This also happens to be the same school that I attended. If anyone is interested in contributing, a donation can be sent to: St. Joseph Catholic School, Attn: The Angelina Scholarship Fund, 2980 Quincy Ave, Ogden, UT 84403.
I don't think I will ever understand why this had to happen to us. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't wish for her to be here with us. But I have learned, that you never really know what a person may be dealing with (or has dealt with) in their life. There are so many experiences that make up who we are. We often assume that people are jerks or stand offish.. or whatever the situation may be and we base these assumptions on a brief interaction. Give them a break, you'll never know when you'll need it.
I do have to take some time to recognize a few groups/people. We had help to get through this from some absolutely incredible, amazing individuals, some of which I can't even name. There is a group call SHARE (http://www.utahshare.org/). This group came to the hospital and brought us clothes for Angelina, blankets, teddy bears, etc. They also work with a group of photographers (http://www.nowilaymedowntosleep.org/) that came in and took pictures of our beautiful baby. The SHARE group took hand and foot molds. They are amazing and will always help us to remember her. The time, effort of these groups is all donated. These wonderful, amazing people knew we would want things that we didn't know to ask for and have helped us preserve very precious moments. In addition, we've had help from a group called Angel Watch. They helped us plan for what to expect, made sure we had good nurses in the hospital, provided us with information on funerals and burials, and are continuing to follow up with us after all is said and done. Again, all donated time and effort, and an amazing team of people.
We had Angelina at Ogden Regional Hospital. They were aware of our situation prior to our arrival, and made sure we were very well taken care of. The nurses that were selected to help us through this time were hands down some of the most amazing women I have encountered. They were wonderful to us, and made our experience the best it could have been. Special thanks to Dee Dee and Shirley.
Finally, I have to thank some people close to us. To my sister Nancy.. thank you so much for everything you did for us. Your support got me through this. To Mauree, the pictures you took, the amazing collages, the beautiful slide show, the hours of effort... these are priceless memories and we only have them because of you, thank you. To Ron for an amazing and beautiful lunch that allowed us to be with our family and friends and remember our little girl. And last, but certainly not least, to my mom and dad. From the day we found out they were there for us in any way they possibly could be and made a difference in so many ways. There is truly no way I can every fully express my gratitude to my amazing parents. I will never ever be able to say thank you, EVER.
If you are still reading, thank you so much for sticking with me. This is really the one and only post I can ever do for my little girl, so thank you for reading it. Although I didn't think I'd feel this way, I am so very thankful for having the opportunity to have her and hold her and love her and kiss her. Letting her go has been the hardest thing I have ever had to do.
We miss her. I miss the future we would have had. I will always remember her and she will always be a part of me.
Here are some pictures of Angelina.
